April 1, A Fool's Day...

Saturday was a perfectly yucky day at my house, and I had enough, so Sunday when I left to go to church, I told Jim I wasn't coming home to sit in my junk all day long again, so after church I ran some errands then I faced a challenge I received years ago in my first divorce recovery class--to go to a real restaurant and a movie by myself. I've never done that before. Where I come from, "decent ladies" never go to a restaurant by themselves, and certainly not a movie. Back in 1990 when I went through my second divorce and actally spent two rounds in a divorce recovery class, we were told to do just that. So I didn't do a "drive-thru" and get junk food, nor did I go inside a junk food establishment, I went to a real restaurant, got a table for one, and enjoyed lunch by myself. In the old days, that was considered "improper"--women who did that were only looking for one thing, whatever that was we weren't told. And I think men told us that. Actually, I think it was my mother, who got it from her mother, but somewhere along the way, I think men told women that--another one of our little pieces of baggage that says sexual misconduct--or misconduct of any kind--is always the fault of the woman.

After I finished lunch, I kept hearing the "you should go home now" voice, but I didn't want to go home. I really like Sandra Bullock, and had wanted to see Phenomenon, so I did just that--another "disgraceful" thing. I went to a Sunday matinee all by myself. I must confess, it felt strange, and I felt like the people there were whispering, "Poor thing...", but just before the movie started, another single-for-the-day woman sat at the other end of the row from me. She looked at me and smiled, and I smiled back. Solidarity. I snapped several pictures in the theater, but nothing really took. I almost deleted all of them until I saw this one again. I don't think the movie I went to was rated R? Who cares! But "Restricted" is what I've felt for the last couple of weeks. Boxed in, agitated, pacing like a caged lion, and actually pretty angry. I wish the feeling would lift...
As a review, I really liked the movie Phenomenon. And intense, on the edge of your seat, but terribly romantic movie. All the things I like best--intrigue, passion, intensity, romance, tears...all in all, my date with myself proved to be a very good afternoon. But then, one always has to go back to real life. At least the sun was shining when I walked out of the movie theater. That's a gift.