Sunday, January 6, 2008

Asking the Questions


I’ve spent most of my 58 years knowing all the answer, and only valuing the answer, but it seems with the coming of the age of 40, there have only been questions. That unsettled me for so long—I thought there was something wrong with me, but I’ve come to know that it’s only by asking the questions that there can be growth. The questions are important, and they must be asked. I remember Sr. Mary at the Cenacle saying, “If there’s anything the Church must confess, it has to they that She hasn’t allowed the questions.” And so it is.

For too long I’ve been afraid of the questions, but at long last, I’ve come to love the questions, to look for them, to explore them—no longer looking for the answer, but instead looking for the next question. It’s not about the destination, but instead, the journey.

I’ve been reading everything I can find on Mary Magdalene—it’s been my “Christmas” assignment, and I’ve savored every morsel and loved every minute. This morning I finished The Secret Magdalene, a novel by K.I. Longfellow. It’s strictly a novel told from a totally different point of view, beautifully written, and raising tons more questions. Lots more possibilities!

There’s a short conversation recorded on page 341, that sums up what I’m trying to say. It’s a conversation between the Magdalene, Mariamne, and her friend Seth. They find themselves taking refuge in a “koinos bios, a place where lives are lived in common and in peace”, with the Carmelites. Mariamne asks Seth:

“Tell me Seth, how can you leave such a place?”

He answers instantly. “How is it my Queen Bee asks such a thing?”…”Can you, so full of questions, wonder that I, so full of questions, would come away from a place where there are only answers?” Only answers? I do not know what he means, and he knows I do not know. “They have found their answers here, Mariamne. Having found the answers they seek, they ask no more questions.”

No more questions? Impossible. I understand him now. (end of quote)

Sometimes I think that’s why I can’t find a home in institutional church—they have found their answers, and ask no more questions. And most of the one’s I’ve been in allow no questions. But questions are necessary for growth. If the questions aren’t allowed, our spiritual growth is stunted, and we eventually die. As for me, I plan to continue to question, expecting that each question will bring another and another, and so the journey continues. And finally, I’m no longer afraid that there may not be an answer. At least, I don’t think so.

1 comment:

SUSAN said...

The journey continues...

Yes, it does.

Susan :-)